There was once a woman named Jeanne, who had 4 children. Her full name was Dorothy Jeanne Pugh. She married twice. The first time to Charles Lynch and the 2nd time to Louis Feldmann. She had 2 sisters, and 1 brother. Her father worked for the railroad, and her mother was a mayor. She was 5 feet 4inches tall, had naturally curly dark brown hair, with green and yellow eyes. I know that she had 4 children, as I am the youngest. Those are the statistics.
I don't know what her religous beliefs were, or her political stance. I don't know what her favorite song was, or her favorite color. I don't know her favorite flower. I don't know very much about her at all. My dad very seldom talked about her. In part I think because it was to painful for him. He loved her very much, although they had a very volatile relationship. He usually would eithier have tears in his eyes, or be yelling and say "you look, sound, act, like your mother". It is rather hard to grow up hearing that, and yet not knowing her.
I never blamed him for that, but now it is to late to ask any questions. I don't suppose he would have answered them anyway. That just wasnt my dad. My grandmother died when I was 16, and at that age I just wasnt to interested in knowing all those things. A friend of my mothers supposedly had a journal she had written when she got sick. It was my understanding that it would come to me when I got older. I still have never seen it, and I dont know if the friend is even still alive. It contained her thoughts on her children and her disease, and I suppose just what she felt about alot of things.
I can tell you what I do remember. My mom had long beautiful hands and fingers with beautiful nails. She taught me to read before I went to kindergarten, thus my love of reading. She was highly opinionated, and very intelligent. I know she loved me. She is the one that instilled that fighting spirit in me to never give up and never give in. That education was a priority. She was a room mother for me kindergarten and first grade. She ordered cookies from a bakery in south county called Heindleburgers. She used to whistle to call us in from outside. I don't ever remember her spanking me, however I do remember her telling my dad to! I think the 4 of us were in awe of her, so we very seldom didnt do as we were told. She taught us table manners, I can remember her poking my brother in the back with a fork for having his elbows on the table! LOL! She was one of a kind, and I loved her. Thats what I remember.
On July 26th, 1974, she died after a long battle with colon cancer. I do remember my dad sneaking me up to Barnes to see her. I can close my eyes and it was like yesterday. She didnt know we were there, of that I'm quite certain. The vision of her in that hosp[ital bed with her colostomy bag hanging on the side, will be forever ingrained in my mind. I was 7, she was 41. For years afterward my dad would put me to bed and say "your mother loves you in heaven". I still to this day cry for my mom. When my kids were born, when I became a grandmother, when I passed her in age, I cried for what should have been.
I can honestly say that my childhood effectively ended when she died. The sun was a little less bright, and I was unable to cope. No one ever said anything. It was as if she had never been there. Except in my heart. Not a day has passed without me thinking of her . When I'm at the ocean, I feel her the most. She taught me to swim before I could walk, according to my dad. We used to go to Ocean City
Maryland, when I was a child. I learned to swim in the ocean, and I taught my children to swim in the ocean. Right off the coast of Cape Canaveral Florida. I swam competitively until I was 16. I was a very good swimmer.
So, I think I was always more her daughter than my fathers. Everyone has always said I look like her, and acted like her. I mainly believe it, because my dad and I usually butted heads, and my father was not a "strong" man. Not in the emotional sense. My mother was very emotional, and you always knew exactly where you stood with her. Heaven help you if you messed with one of her kids!! Lol! She was a firecracker! I don't know how much her death made me into who I am, but I know her living made me a compassionate, and caring person. A person with morals, and the ability to look at any situation from many points of view, even if I don't agree. I have the ability to stand up for what I believe is right, and to voice my opinion even if I'm standing alone in doing so. for only being in my life for 7 years she made a lifelong impact, and I believe taught me more than I could ever learn in a book.
When I look at my children, especially Brandon, I can see her. Brandon has her musical ability, and her artistic skill. When I look into Lance's eyes they are her eyes. Brian has them too. I was lucky enough to inheiret her curly hair, and her eyes, and smile. While she didnt get to see me grow up, or see her grandchildren, of which she has 10, she lives on in me, and in all of my children and grandchildren. I was blessed to have her as my mother. I hope that when I leave this world, I will see her again, because 7 years wasnt enough.
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